Catholic Humor

Hello everyone. I was recently emailed this story from my aunt. I thought it was hilarious and wanted to share it with you. I think this story shows one of the benefits of being Catholic: Catholic humor stories

"Little Zachary"

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread
out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report
card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? "WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."
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Prayers for Boston, Please!

Hello everyone!

I live in Massachusetts, and I always enjoy going into the city of Boston. Sadly, Boston has been dealing with an increase of violence. There was a slaying last Friday the 30th of March, and the Friday slaying brought Boston's homicide total this year to 15, compared with 10 at this time last year. People are very scared and tired of it. Because of the increased violence, a group called The Guardian Angels is starting to patrol Boston streets.

I just ask that you pray for the people of Boston. My dad and some relatives live in Boston, and they both shouldn't be worried or scared to be walking around the city because of violence. No one should worry about violence on the streets at all.

Thank you all!

Why is Lent 40 days?

In the English language, the special season before Easter is called "Lent."  The word comes from the "lengthening" of daylight hours as we progress from the darkness of winter to the new light of spring.  But other languages, such as Spanish, have a name for this season that is derived from the word for forty.  It is the season of the forty days.

OK, we do penance for forty days because Jesus fasted forty days in the wilderness.  But did you ever wonder why he was out there for forty days rather than seven or ten or fifty?

Think back to the Old Testament.  Noah and company were in the Ark for 40 days.  Moses was up on Sinai receiving the 10 commandments for 40 days.   The Israelites wandered around the desert for 40 years.

So why all these forties?  Probably because it is forty weeks that a woman carries her developing baby before a new life can come forth from the womb.

All these "forties" are a necessary and not-so-comfortable prelude for something new.  In Noah's case, it's the rebirth of a sinful world that had been cleansed by raging flood waters.  In Moses' case, it was the birth of the people of the covenant.  For the nomadic Israelites, it was the start of a new, settled existence in the Promised land.

And Jesus?  What did his forty days mean?  The birth of a new Israel liberated from sin, reconciled to God, and  governed by the law of the Spirit rather than a law chiseled in stone.

But think back to the story of Moses and the Israelites.  There was someone who did not want them to go out into the desert to offer sacrifice to their God.  Pharaoh did not take the loss of his cheap labor lying down.  When Jesus begins his mission of liberation, there is another slave master who is no more willing than Pharaoh to let his minions go without a fight.

Since the sixties, it has been fashionable in some quarters to dismiss the devil as a relic of ancient mythology or medieval fantasy.  The guy with the pointy tale and the pitchfork comes in handy in cartoons and costume parties, but how can we take such an image seriously?  In the Bible, they say, let's read "Satan" merely as a symbol of human evil.

Such a view is clearly at odds with Scripture, Tradition, and recent teaching of the Magisterium.  Our battle is not against flesh and blood, says St. Paul.  If you don't know your enemy and his tactics, you are bound to lose.

The temptation of Jesus in the desert shows us the tactics of the "Dark Lord."  Bread, a symbol for all that sustains our physical life, is a great blessing.  But Satan tries to make material things the ultimate, distracting us from a deeper hunger and a more enduring food.  Political power and all leadership is intended by God for the sake of serving the common good; Satan twists things to make leaders self-seeking, oppressive tyrants like himself.  The lust for power and fame ironically leads not to dominion but to slavery to the Dark Lord (remember what happened to the Nazgul in the Lord of the Rings!).  Then there's religious temptation, the trickiest of them all — manipulating God for our own glory, using his gifts to make people look at us rather than at Him.  Sounds a lot like the Pharisees.

Jesus triumphs in this first wrestling match.  He shows us how to keep from being pinned.  Fasting breaks undue attachments to material blessings and stimulates our spiritual appetite.   Humble service breaks the stranglehold of pride.  The reverent worship of authentic faith breaks the full Nelson of superstition, magic, and all arrogant religion.  And the word of God is shown as the sword of the Spirit, the secret weapon that slashes through the lies of the enemy.

So our forty days?  Time to use the tactics modeled by our Captain and break the strongholds. Prayer, fasting, humble service.  The heavenly bread of the Eucharist and the Word of God. If we make use of them diligently during this season, pregnant with possibilities, we can enter into greater freedom.  Darkness can give way to increasing light.  Something new and wonderful can be born in us.

The article is taken from the Catholic Exchange : Touched by Grace

  • markadm

Vatican documents

My apologies if others have seen this on catholicism, but I didn't think of x-posting to here until now...

Does anyone here have any experience of buying various official Vatican documents in print form in English?

I've noticed that the more famous Encyclicals, Apostolic Letters, etc., are available on, but this is not so for other documents that would be useful to be read. I realise they're available online, but I find it much easier to read things in printed form.

If it makes any difference I live near Edinburgh, UK.

To see what I mean:

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I'm sure that practically everyone knows about the Mark Foley scandal. It's awful, but what is even more awful was that how he said that he was molested by a priest. Of course, when I heard this I was disgusted. I prayed that it wasn't true, well guess what? Read this

Being a Massachusetts Catholic, I'm just so saddened that this is true. I really thought that the sex abuse scandal was it, but apparently not. Even though I'm disgusted with Foley's actions, I'm even more hurt and disgusted by the priest's actions. It just hurts me that these men who we trust so much can hurt children.

Prayers, Prayers, Prayers!

Hello everyone! I greatly need prayers for various reasons.

1. I'm getting confirmed this Sunday the 24th! I chose the name of Gabriel; he's my favorite angel and is associated with Mary, and I love Mary. :-)

2. My confirmation class is the last class to be confirmed at my church, St. Ann's. At the end of October, St. Ann's and our neighboring town of Merrimac's parish, Nativity, will merge to form Holy Redeemer Parish. (I love the name)
My church is under the juristiction of the Archdiocese of Boston in Massachusetts, so this is a bittersweet event.

3. In another town near mine, Amesbury, is selling one of their churches. Two churches there, St. Joseph's and Sacred Heart, merged to form Holy Family Parish. But, because of money matters, Sacred Heart is being sold.

So, overall, prayers are welcomed! This whole church selling and church merging is bittersweet. We in the Archdiocese of Boston have gone through a lot; for I can remember the day we would find out if my church would close, and I had an awful day fearing the worst. (Of course it never closed.)

Bias in the News

As many of you know, Benedict XVI has made news headlines for some what consider controversial remarks during a lecture he was speaking at.

When it came with the concept of Jihad in Islam, he said how spreading the faith through violence is unreasonable and against God's nature.

He quoted Byzantine Emperor Manuel II Palaiologos as saying, "Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." He made clear that they were Palaiologos' words, not his own.

Now I was watching the news, and they reported about this. Yet, they showed bias and made it seem like Benedict XVI was attacking the whole religion of Islam.

The news reported that Benedict made controversial remarks against Islam, and they used the quote, BUT they cut it off after "Evil and inhuman." They didn't include the rest of the quote, nor did they report why Benedict XVI said it and where, and who was the original speaker of the quote.

And that has made me angry. What happened to objective news and truthful reports? I've checked the news's online website and they have the full quote without the cutoff, but I'm still mad that when reporting it, the story was not reported to the full truth.

Prayer Request

Hello everyone!

I need some prayers, but on a lighter note, the prayers are for a good thing.

Next week on the 22nd of this month, I am going to be participating in a teen leadership training session.

I'm part of this group at my school called Pentucket Project Peace. PPP is made up of students at my high school, and we are collaborating with another high school's, Haverhill High School's, VIP Team. VIP stands for Violence Intervention and Prevention. (I live in Massachusetts.) We are working together to train incoming freshmen from both Haverhill and Pentucket high schools. We are going to be doing a bunch of games and activities to teach the incoming freshmen to be more peaceable and all that good stuff.

Our goal to make both our schools more accepting, tolerate and peaceful. I would appreciate if you all pray that the session will be a success, and both the VIP Team and PPP will gain new members and be more known in the community. We have plans to work with other neighboring towns.

I'm just really excited, and I really hope that we are able to do a lot of work. Even though our groups aren't affiliated with any religion, I see God working through all these wonderful people. And some of these teens were violent in their past, but have turned their life around and now are committed to nonviolence and peace.

Thanks for the prayers!
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